MATCH FIXING?

Friend - “OOH! What a beautiful diamond!”

Mrs. Kumaralingamsami Chettiar - “It’s a family heirloom.”

Friend - “OOH! How wonderful!”

Mrs. Kumaralingamsami Chettiar - “It comes with a terrible curse.”

Friend - “OOH! What’s that?”

Mrs. Kumaralingamsami Chettiar - “Mr. Kumaralingamsami Chettiar.”

Old jokes die hard. But, last I heard of Mrs. Kumaralingamsami Chettiar was that she had become Mrs. Sharma.

Since prehistoric times, marriage has always been about asset management, but things have become a bit confusing ever since our definition of assets have undergone change. For example, for his dowry, should a man bring his pants, or his apron?

Another issue of the times that needs addressing is the TDS. Incidentally, it stands for Tall, Dark and Sexy. And applicable to males only, and since my school education times, considered a crucial criterion for the marriage market. A concept that was proliferated by Mills & Boons. One should not get confused with the Government labeling it as Tax deductible at Source (though it is actually one and the same thing). Ever since tax evasion has become the in thing, it leads to a few complications.

So, what are the new definitions of eligibility?

It’s a new era, baby! The professionals are in, and the mummies are out!

Informed sources tell me that bride burning in India has stopped only because people have got enlightened to the Depreciation Mahavidya. After all, refrigerators, Marutis and TVs do get old, gold devalues, and the stock market crashes. No point in adding fuel to the fire, when there is so much global warming anyway.

Assets don’t last a lifetime, but what about resourcability? What about the Capitation Fee that Dad paid for that A-Grade educational institution? Whatever happened to those slick, English speaking MBAs?

Green cards converting to pink slips are not the only problem, but there are others like being over 40. Or being a Java expert. Or a plain graduate. Or … I can vouch for it; nowadays in the cocktail party circuit, it is getting impolite to ask anyone their profession.

The social impact is visible. The Marigold-Mala industry has crashed, ever since the Phoren Returned have returned – to stay. Also, the recent crises of the crashing of the IT job market in the US has upset the credibility of our astrologers so hard that the Government has introduced Astrology courses for  Graduates, to reduce the complications of matrimonial decisions. A good thing too – for as many marriages that are made in heaven, an equivalent number are made in the immigration office.

We are a generation that is short of answers. We look at one generation before us who have made a philosophy out of Living within your means and shudder at their justifications which cloaks an inability for commercial evolution.

We look at ourselves and wonder what would happen to us if we discarded our predatory spirit, a quality much denounced by all. We bear the guilt, but are there choices?

Human Resource, I’m told, is a great asset. But it makes no damn difference if it means ME – Unemployed. Or worse, if obsoletion of skills is taking place at younger ages, then we are heading for an environment of financial and mental poverty. 

In our subconscious lurks Jack, our inspirational hero who climbs a beanstalk, steals the giant’s wealth, and then lives happily ever after. Good wealth management must have been his strong point, apart from predating on giants. We must let Jack go – forever. For there is no easy way. No magic formula. No one time Bingo. 

The commercialism of life demands our predatory instincts to rise to the occasion again and again and again.

And lets not confuse issues. Life is not about GOT…it’s about GETTING. And also lets not get into verbose moral tangles here.

And lets not digress.

In-laws who are the casualties in the commercials of matrimony are complaining. No one seems to be settling down anymore with each other, or with anyone else for that matter.

Take Bharti, for example. A qualified Chartered Accountant working in a multinational bank, with a husband who is a qualified MBA from the US working as a marketing director with a leading garment company. Downsizing, and husband gets unemployed. Single income, with a husband in a perpetual bad mood is a bad deal. She leans on colleague Jacob, the Marketing chief of her bank. Today Jacob and Bharti are happily married.

Incidentally, Jacob got unemployed when his bank retrenched. He has now become a chauffeur, earning more in tips than his salary on his previous job. But Bharti says that she has married him not for the money, but for the ride. Now, with the current crises relating to CNG, her future may yet take another turn.

The kids are complaining too. They have just won the hard earned reputation of latch-key kids. But if Mom and Dad alternate with spells at home, it’s just not being fair. At this rate, kids may get compelled to take up jobs just to get a break from home. Soon, anyone who runs an anti-child labor protest is liable to get sued by a bunch of unemployed parents.

Nowadays, one just can’t win.

Copyright © 2014, Lima Sehgal
Republication or dissemination of the contents of this article are expressly prohibited without the written consent of the publishers of Jobnet magazine & the Author