Important Reference Check for a Woman Employee in India

Just do one check- Is this woman  living in a joint family background with one or more female in- Laws ?

Recent  research in India relating to Indian career women prove such women develop unique skills. 

The skills acquired in such an environment can greatly contribute to their workplace outside home.

How does this work you may ask? Strangely, our band of sisters are fairly reticent about disclosing their mystic trade secrets.  Here is my peek-a- boo.

Vampire friendly co-coes.

The art of biting is a crucial asset. To handle colleagues, bosses, clients, vendors et all, one must know the art of “how to and how much to bite”.

How do these women turn up knowing so much about it? Simple, they come pre-taught- they have learned at home. The company does not have to waste time in training.

The French are quite aware of it. Tete-a tete- is about talk not teeth. And if you do not know French please not risk a response.

 But if you get invited into the kitchen by a woman Frenchie, for a bite of goodies, you can take a chance. But not with my mother-in-law.

Sigmund Freud the psychologist who is really an indisputable authority on the oral motives of grown-ups stated- “I vouch that Bites cannot be cured on any couch.”

Do not get confused by any female in-law who says, come and have a “Bite.”

My Mother-in- law says" Darling come into the kitchen". I say "No". She Says “ What is a few friendly bites between vampires, and anyway, after all these years we are blood relatives now.”

With time one can get well qualified in the art of deflecting bites even if you become chronically weak with anemia for life.

In the work place this art is an asset because you are experienced and not afraid. Because you have learned that as long as somebody else is getting bitten and you can get vicarious pleasure out of it - like pornography, you can even enjoy yourself. The boss bites the client. But your client doesn’t have the experience of vampires and…Hey he gets scared- the boss bites- the client gets bit- and you get to go home on time. Maybe the boss gets the credit but you get to sleep the dreamless sleep.

Crockery and affairs of the reproductive organs including siblings and World Bank

Only the World Bank knows the trade secret and they are not going to tell. But don’t you know what I am talking about?

It is about resources and who gets to use it and how and at what price.

Crockery is a valuable asset, though many people confuse crockery with food. It is definitely neither compatible nor even remotely related to food.

Crockery is about getting an actual perspective on global resources. Like using the planet resources and discovering that it is not about what fits into a plate, but about global warming and the destruction of rain forests.

Life evolved from the primordial sea which took  millions of  years to get alive. Crockery has been faster in evolution. Crockery like humans have the ability to reproduce, multiply and abort.  Their  reproductive cycle is approximately governed by the time cycles of one party to another and sadly cocktail parties tend to hasten their demise.

Last funeral I attended at a family get together- the funeral speech ran like this- “ The untimely death of our loving and treasured plate inherited from my great-great- great- great grand mother- may it rest in peace though it does not have the peace ( piece?) of being part of a complete set. Murdered by those who mishandled and brutalized it. May justice prevail in heaven, hell and on earth!

The next day the bastards who were microwave proof came to claim inheritance. The cheek of it all… the blood shed, the legal claims of proprietary rights and the unmentionables…

Though it remains a guarded secret of many a mother in law, but I suspect that the real reason behind all this is what  the World Bank and all other funding agencies know- What is buried becomes valuable with time- be it archeological artifacts or diamonds.

You know that it will be great if all valuable files and documents of your company disappears…

You become indispensable because you are the only one who can find it , if it has the possibility of being found. No one can get rid of you because no one else can find exactly where it is buried.

So be kind and let only your boss into the trade secret that every thing that is buried becomes valuable. Like diamonds or petroleum.

Crockery is superior but you don’t tell anyone that…your aim is to only make sure you live long enough so you can get it all. (refer to the priceless crockery digs at Mohinjodaro and Egypt, paper too has a second place, data relating to the 21^st century a third place and so on…)

Recipes which are not google friendly.

The best recipes are those which are not google friendly which means that what others know will never be found by you.

The mystical is beyond your league… You cannot be a know all…

So even though most people in your office will know everything there is to know about a trade secret, you will not have a clue.

If someone asks you a Trade Secret that every one knows but you cannot admit you do not know- Look mysterious. And explain that it is complicated and mystical, much like female reproduction, which even women cannot figure out.

Or like a recipe- from one woman to another- it mutates.

The mystical woman holds secrets that no one can fathom.Makes everyone think that you have some valuable hidden skills.

Everyone knows the greatest asset to an organization is a Indian woman employee who is multifaceted- Efficient vampire, recipe hacker and creator of carboniferous forests (read diamond creator). 

And those who come from joint family backgrounds with at least one living mother-in-law, are more experienced,hence more professional and valuable.

Copyright © 2014,Lima Sehgal
Republication or dissemination of the contents of this article are expressly prohibited without the written consent of the publishers of Jobnet magazine & the Author